hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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