I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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