im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
