This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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