doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
