I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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