Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
