the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
