Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
