I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
