I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
