smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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