The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
