You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
