So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
