I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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