I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
