Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
