ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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