I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
