I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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