Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
