sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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