Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
