if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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