so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ladies don't puke and tell
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
