Please, let me fuck your mom
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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