She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
