I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
