I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
