I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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