On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I want is dick and wine.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
