a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
