I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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