You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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