you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
