the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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