He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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