After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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