We won't sleep together?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
