I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
