I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
