I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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