My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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