Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
