He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize