3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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