Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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