9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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