I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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