he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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