it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
