she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
