You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
