making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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