I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
