I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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