THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
